Hopeless
by NikkylovesBD
Summary: Was When Push Comes To Pull, but recently a title change. It seems like everyone has an opinion regarding a possible relationship between them. Will the obstacles and love for their families come in between them or is there something else, a force or pull that wont take no for answer.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

There were so many complications. There were so many things that came in between us. At my end it seemed like even though all the obstacles were present, they weren't enough to get in between my feelings for him. Him on the other hand was a whole different story. He was arrogant, selfish, self centered, unmotivated, cold, shut off, unexpressive, difficult, spoiled, a big baby…and I was passionately and completely in love with him. There was a cosmic force, something I didn't have the understanding of completely. I spiritual connection of some sort, so much so that he pulled on my energy all the time, it made me feel drained almost. When we came together, it was magic, fire, fireworks, a sense of euphoria that made you question where you had been for the last 24 hours. If I ever tried to explain this to one of my friends, they would have me committed, maybe I was crazy but I couldn't shake him. No matter what. There was a reason for us to come together to begin with, I was sure of it.

So where was the universe, God whatever you believed in now? Looking at the situation I wasn't sure if it would ever be okay unless we were together. How could we go back to things being platonic? How could I see him with other girls and just be okay with it. The pull between us was there and magnetic! Why should two people try so hard to stay away from one another? Wasn't that enough proof that something higher was at force here? With all these questions it just added to the frustration and confusion.

If he wanted to ignore me, to pretend there was nothing between us…I would give him what he wanted. Even though deep inside, it killed me. The absence of him left my heart empty and raw. It made me feel worthless and defeated. There was one thing that I had that I may not have let known with him. I had enough respect for myself to see that he had all the control in this and that was about to end. If there was no future with us, if nothing good could come out of this then I was about to give him everything he wanted. I had come to the realization that good things may not always come to those who wait. I didn't deserve to be treated poorly. All I ever did for the last 20 or so odd years was give a shit about him and I think it was about time I stopped.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

_March 2010_

The day had started out like any other day. Work was fine, dishes were getting done, my daughter was in one piece and coloring a picture for St. Patty's day. We were due to go to my mom and dad's house for a little Irish feast. Corn beef and cabbage, potatoes, carrots and of course green beer. No we are not Irish but any excuse for good food and booze is reason to celebrate in my family.

"Hello." I answered the phone after drying my hands from finishing up the dishes.

"Hey…when are you coming over?" my mother said nicely.

"Just came home to let the dogs out and finish a few of the dishes. You need me to pick up anything?"

"Nope…we're good, does Jake know I cooked?" she said nicely thinking about her hard working son-in-law.

"I'm about to call him." I reassured her.

"Ok well see you soon." my mom sounded busy and I could faintly hear the fans in the background from her stove.

I ended the call with my mother and dialed my husband. Jake and I had met through friends back in 2000. Olivia was our four year old daughter. She was the most perfect angel ever created. She was fair, blonde and blue eyed. Extremely outgoing and talented. She had her father's coloring and hair. I came from a Portuguese and Italian background. I had brown hair, olive skin and green eyes. I looked more like her nanny then her mother. I'd like to think she had my personality though. Jake and I were coming up on our 6 year wedding anniversary, it felt like 30.

"Yeah." Jake answered his cell phone annoyed.

"Hey…is everything alright?" I asked concerned. I always felt a little guilty being in a good mood around Jake. He worked his ass off at his job and this attitude was an everyday occurrence. I loved my job but it was apparent Jake hated his, he spent every chance he got reminding me, _well I would love my job too if I got to sit on my ass all day,_ he would say. That wasn't true but I guess compared to his job it was a lot more relaxed. I was an office manager at a small animal hospital and Jake was a driver for FedEx.

"I'm working Bella…what do you need?" he huffed more exasperated than before. I had interrupted his apparent shitty day…life…it was all a blur these days.

"Sorry…I." I stuttered. I had always been head strong but I never knew how to react to Jake's mood swings. I had learned over the years to just go with it. Keep my mouth shut and it would pass. If you knew me you would know how difficult this was for me, I was never one to take shit. "I just wanted to tell you my mom is cooking for St. Patty's day, corn beef…" I was cut off.

"Bella…I have 25 more stops to do in the next hour. I have been up since 4am, when I'm done I just want to go home and relax, my job isn't like yours Bella..." He began father like and condescending. The noise from his truck banging in the background echoed through the phone. "I have been running around like an asshole all day…it's fucking hot as shit, I don't have the luxury of sitting at a desk all day in air conditioning…"

"Ok…want me to bring you home…" I quickly began stopping his lecture before it took an hour to get one simple yes or no answer. The loud bang from his truck interrupted my train of thought though and made me internally flinch._ Food, _I mentally finished my sentence.

"Whatever…I got to go." I was then welcomed by silence as he ended the phone call with me.

I sighed, used to this kind of thing by now. Jake was a strong worker. His work ethic top notch. I knew his goal in life was to better himself, his life for me and our daughter. But sometimes he forgot about the present. My mood went from chipper to blah in a matter of minutes with one phone call. Jake could write a book on how to ruin my perfect day. Like I said, I was used to it, this was an everyday occurrence and draining as fuck.

I pulled up to my mom's house and noticed the kids playing catch in the front yard. My two cousin's being teenager boys, loved sports and took every opportunity to play around. I smiled at their energy and carefreeness, wishing I was young like that again. I wasn't old, but being in a emotionally draining marriage, and raising a four year old, made you feel a hell of a lot older then 30. One of the boys went long and as they parted I saw him. I knew he was back. I had heard through the family circle that he was out of jail and living with his sister, Rosalie, my aunt by marriage. I tried not to stare but as soon as the football left his hand, our eyes met. He looked good, better than the last time I had seen him years before. He looked thin but in a healthy way. His thick dark hair looked recently trimmed. His eyes looked tired, showing a little bit more age and experience around them then I remembered but missing the dark circles that used to be there. Overall he didn't look like a convict, a drug addict, a thief. He looked like him, I wasn't quite sure what I had expected, it was silly to think otherwise. After what seemed like forever, we looked away from each other and I took a deep breath.

I started getting out of the car, collecting my daughter and the stuff that comes with a 4 year old that seems like everything you own at the moment, and I proceeded towards him.

"Hey you." I said nicely giving him a smile.

He returned it wholeheartedly but kept the cool persona he was known for. He came in for a small hug. I felt him pat my back a couple times, like I was a long lost buddy from high school and internally rolled my eyes. The hug was warm and tight prior to the good buddy vibe, even border lining more than friend like, then it shortly turned awkward. We had a long history. Nothing too deep or intense but a past no doubt, a past of flirting, some firsts at a younger age, at least for me and definitely sex. His name was Edward, and I had been in love with him since I could remember.

I met Edward when my family and his intertwined themselves when Rosalie, Edward's sister and Emmett, my mothers only brother knocked her up at the young age of 17. Back then it was a big deal, an almost everyday occurrence in this day in age. My grandparents were more forgiving and accepting then Rosalie's parents were. It might of had to do with the fact that my grandparents adored Rosalie and knew her family well in town. My grandpa even had a very tight relationship with her grandfather as well. I think they figured, of all the girls my uncle could have had this happen with, she would have been on their list of it being acceptable. She was beautiful and came from a good strong family. Being the same background as my family and they shared the family dynamic and values as we did.

During Rosalie's pregnancy they were married and have been together ever since. I'm not one who believes in happily ever after or perfect endings but they were a good match and even though things happened faster than they both had ever anticipated my uncle was deeply in love with her and would have married her baby or no baby. They were definitely end game anyway. What I do believe is that things always happen for a reason and they are proof that even in hard times, things can work out perfectly.

Olivia and I make our way through the back door to my mother's house. The smell of corned beef and cabbage filled the air. We were welcomed with smiles and hugs as my mother's only grandchild entered. She is the baby of the family and gets a lot of attention. She runs past everyone and looks for her favorite cousin, Rosalie's youngest which is 10 years old and the coolest girl Olivia knows. My family huff in a joking matter that Olivia would rather play and find Lana then greet them.

"Here." My mother hands me a Corona tinted green for the occasion and I accept it with gusto considering my mood now that Jake has practically shit his mood all over me. I thank her and take a long sip of the ice cool beer that not only quenches my thirst but for some reason instantly makes me relax.

"I see Edward is here…he looks good." I try to act nonchalant speaking to Rosalie. No one knows of the past we have so it just looks like I'm making a casual observation.

Rosalie adores her brother, and she is happy he is home living with her at the moment. Rosalie and Edward's father passed away more than a few years prior and sadly her mother has been sick for a long time. The kids have been dealing with her Alzheimer's for over 10 years plus. Well Rosalie and her middle brother have been dealing with their mother's sickness. Edward has been living the past 3 or 4 years addicted to meth, stealing and escaping his issues every chance he gets. Sadly their mother doesn't know who any of them are anymore.

Rosalie and her two brothers are all they have left. I think thats why now our families are so close. Back in the beginning we saw each other at parties and get togethers but they were always more of a "in-law" connection even though Rosalie has been tight with my family for years.

"He does huh?" Rosalie smiles, "He wanted to come, which was surprising." She laughs a little. We both know the issues Rosalie has been through with Edward, he's been MIA, a no show for more family birthday's and dinners than I can remember him actually being at. It's actually been that way for a long long time.

Rosalie and I are close. Not much of a aunt/niece relationship, more friend, sister like. She is only 7 years older than me. And I never got in the habit of calling her auntie or anything like that because she was so young when she came into our family. She doesn't mind though, she thinks of me the same.

I agree with a smile and turn my head in the direction of the front yard. I see him, still playing ball with his nephews. His head turns looking toward the house almost as if he senses me watching him. He can't see me though so I continue to admire him. He's been through a lot. He has struggled with the death of his father, the disintegration of his mother, drug abuse and a recent 3 month stint in jail, in which Rosalie's charges were what convicted him in the first place. I take a deep breath and instantly feel sorry for him and begin to look into my purse for a cigarette. A habit I have always had since my teen years. I quit during my pregnancy with my daughter and through nursing but have gone back to it unfortunately.

Rosalie looks at me seeing I'm about to head out to the front yard where the boys are and hands me a full beer. "Will you give this to Edward?"

"Sure." I reply nervous almost. I hadn't meant for it to come out like that but it goes unnoticed thankfully.

I walk out to where the boys are playing and notice Edward has taken a seat on the driveway watching his nephews in which he has been estranged with over the last several years. I hand him the green beer, he looks up at me with a cute smirk.

"Thanks." He says casually looking intensely into my eyes. He makes me nervous. He's intense in a good way and the feeling of butterflies fills my stomach. I nod unable to respond because of the sensation. His eyes travel down my frame and the butterflies intensify. They slowly devour me and when they descend back up my body he notices the cigarette's in my right hand. "Can I get one of those?"

"I brought it out for you in case you wanted one." I reply handing it over to him and taking a seat next him. We sit quietly and he lights his cigarette and looks over to me with the lighter out ready to light mine as well, which he does considering I forgot mine in the house.

"Jesus thanks. I just ran out." He says after a slow drag and intoxicating exhale. "You know it was easy not smoking in jail surprisingly but now." He pauses looking out at the boys, "It's so hard not too, you'd think after 3 months without them it would be a piece of cake."

"Yeah it's not. I quit while I was pregnant with Oli and went right back after she was born." I agreed.

He turns to look at me with a cute smile. His right dimple more prominent then the left one. "She's so pretty by the way." His comment about my daughter makes me blush and I nod with a smile.

"Where's Jake?" his smile fades, "He coming by?" his eyes bore into mine and I'm not sure what I see there. Resentment? Jealousy?

"No…he's still at work. Long day I guess, I told him I would bring him home some food." I reply taking a much needed drag of my cigarette almost in an apparent distraction from his looks, his physical proximity and just him in general.

He nods fanning interest and takes a sip of beer. We are quiet for a few before he speaks up, "God I'm getting old." He replies with a light laugh as he watches the boys run around still passing the football. I laugh and look over at him.

"Worn out?" I keep my smile and stare at him. He doesn't respond as we get lost in each other's eyes for another moment. I sigh knowing we feel it. It's always been there. That pull. "How are you?" I ask sympathetically breaking the moment. "How's living with your sister?" I ask interested.

His eyes never leave mine as he answers, "Living over there has been good. I lived with Alice and Jasper for less than a week. I had to get the fuck out of there." He laughs a little finally looking down. Jasper is Edward's middle sibling and only brother and Alice is his very vocal sister-in-law.

I laugh out loud knowing Alice well. I can't really imagine to be honest. I love her to pieces and Jasper and Jake are best friends. We hang out often but the comparison of household's is so different. Alice and Jasper have young kids. She is a complainer and hyper as hell. She is the girl who is always cleaning or cooking when we are over having a good time. And it's not odd for her to start doing sit up's and arm curls in the middle of a drinking game. It wouldn't be a place to relax and knowing Alice she probably would either put you to work or bitch until you did or you'd just want to kill yourself. She means well.

"That bad huh?" I laughed.

"You have no idea, but Rosalie and Emmett's is good. It's quiet and for the most part they give me my privacy." He replies.

"But you're doing good? Right?" I ask again feeling as though my question was passed over considering he has just gotten out of jail.

His eyes meet mine again and he smiles warmly, "Yeah Bella…I'm doing good. Thanks." He replies intently and stares into eyes, those butterflies began to flitter around again and this time the feeling shoots right down to my crotch. I look away quickly and flick my cigarette into the street. I push up off of the ground and get up needing to get away. I'm married for god sakes and this guy has affected me and has taken me over again like no time has passed at all. All the while seeming cool and collected.

Edward was the last guy I was with before Jake. We even had a couple of steamy weeks after Jake and I started dating but hadn't made it exclusive yet, which at the time got me in a shit load of trouble. Now what the hell was I going to do now that he was living with Rosalie, coming to family dinners and was going to be around a hell of a lot more than before? With Edward it was always out of sight out of mind. I could deal with the pull and magnetism when I only saw him once a year to every few years even. But now, I felt dread coming on but laced with excitement at the same time. This was going to get real real interesting sooner than I had even anticipated. Nothing had prepared me for what was about to take place. Nothing had prepared _us_ for what was to come in the months ahead.


End file.
